Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Guyliner Update 4-21-09

Ummmm, nope. Adam Lambert still sucks. AI judges (and AI voters, presumably) still smoking crack.

1. Y'know, Simon used to have a problem with people screaming songs. What happened with that?

2. Randy used to have a problem with people who were "pitchy." Where'd the ability to hear pitchy-ness go, Dog?

3. Paula... well, someone needs to tell Paula that Guyliner's not likely to sleep with her anytime soon.

4. New judge whose name I can never remember? I don't remember what you said about Guyliner, either; so if it was good, you're an idiot. If it was bad, bravo for being the only judge with sense.

Please, people, prove to the world that America can vote for someone who can really sing (Alison, Danny, Kris) over someone who's only "pretty."


Stockholder Aggle?

I was listening to a news report on the radio yesterday, and I heard something interesting.

The Wall Street Journal reports that the Obama Administration is considering converting its preferred interest in the bailed-out banks into common stock.

Considering I know next to nothing about stock ownership, I have a question...

Would that make me a stockholder?

If so, can I vote my 1/300,000,000th of the U.S.' interest in those banks at stockholder meetings, or would I have to go along with whatever the Obama Administration wants?

Does my "ownership" interest in these banks qualify under the corporate bylaws so as to grant me the right to inspect their books & records?

Hopefully, one of my three or four readers can answer those questions for me.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Movie Experiment

Hey everybody!

I recently heard that Utah has been testing out the 4-day workweek for almost a year now.

That's not what this post is about, but it got me thinking about "small" experiments in the way government works. I started to wonder what other experiments we as Americans could do, to test out some of our political beliefs.

And then I had a brainstorm. I'll call it "Aggle's Movie Experiment." This is not to be confused with "Aggle's Economic Stimulus Proposal." That particular plan would have worked, but all I could get the government to give me was a lousy 8 bucks a week.

Okay, here we go.


This is an experiment in socialism. First, we find a movie franchise. For the purposes of this discussion, we'll use the "Ocean's" movies, since they're heavy with big-name actors and incredibly light on story.

Call up Clooney, Pitt, Roberts, Cheadle & Co., and pitch them this idea. Since the U.S. unfairly allows rich people to keep a bunch of their money, we need to make another "Ocean's" movie. The storyline could be anything, but I'm suggesting Danny and his super-cool pals embark on a quest to pull a heist on the International Space Station. That way, the special effects will be enormous!

With those folks involved, the movie's virtually guaranteed to bring in oh, say about a billion dollars.

But all the current contracts are out the window.

See, each person working on the movie must sign a contract that they'll take an equal share of the profits.

Yeah, you heard me right.

If there's 1,000 people working on the movie (producers, actors, directors, lighting, sets, wardrobe, caterers, grips, gaffers, effects, personal assistants, everybody), then they each get one-tenth of one percent of the profits.

And they don't get paid before the movie goes to the theaters.

That means the guy who fans out the "Save Darfur" brochures in Clooney's trailer gets paid exactly the same as Clooney himself. The gal who brings Julia Roberts her chai latte gets as much as Roberts. Everybody's got to bring their A-game, because their compensation will directly depend on everybody else equally. Right?


Let's give it a go.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I Just Saw Something Really Disturbing

Seriously, people.

Paula, Simon, and everybody who's ever voted for Adam Lambert must be smoking some really bad crack. That rendition of "Born to be Wild" was the biggest train-wreck since William Hung.

Somehow I've been sucked in to watching most of this season of American Idol, and that guy is consistently horrible. And that's only because I can't think of a word worse than "horrible."

For real. Stop voting for guyliner, please. Okay, so you'll have to stop voting for him twice in a row, because the smooth-brained judges are salivating to use their "save" on this entertaining butcher, but still.

He's horrible.

Mexico Doesn't Like Short Wrestlers

Mexico's Ambassador to Spain has sent a letter to Burger King complaining about the following ad:

He says it's because of the "stereotype" of Mexicans. I'm wondering if Burger King is really stereotyping Mexicans as short wrestlers. Does Burger King's racism have any boundaries?

I've decided to be offended by their characterization of Texans as lanky cowboy-types who don't have the strength to open a pickle jar (or maybe that's a job Americans won't do). I hereby demand that Burger King immediately remove the ad and replace the Cowboy with a 6-foot tall, medium-build, balding lawyer like yours truly.

But leave the wrestler in. That's funny stuff.