Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Cease and Desist -- What?!

I am not running for President. Not now, not (well, maybe not) ever.

Just figured I'd get that out of the way here early, just in case an overzealous fan (yeah, right) decides to start an "Aggle08" website.

Some dude in Missouri, Patrick Crowe, decided that he'd start a campaign to draft a certain daytime talk-show hostess for a Presidential run in '08. (Smoking Gun).

Great, right?

Wrong. Ms. Winfrey's all in a tizzy, apparently. Okay, maybe she's not. Maybe she thinks it's funny, finds it flattering, and secretly owns a t-shirt or two. If you read the link to Smoking Gun, though, you'll see that at least her corporate persona is up in arms. They've demanded that this gentleman Cease And Desist all uses of her name (it's a corporate trademark, you know), pictures, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.

My question:


I mean, c'mon. Anybody who gives two flying rats' behinds about her pretty much watches her show on a daily basis, anyway. Sure, she's incredibly popular, but it's not like her fan-base is growing, or anything, is it? Her lawyers are worried about dilution of her trademarks. Mmmm, okay. So instead of strong-arming some poor schlub out of his stalker-site, why don't they bring him on the show?

She could thank him for his work, assure him she would refuse to serve, and give him a makeover for his trouble. Or a car. Or an all-expenses-paid week at the luxurious Omni Hotel.

Heck, I'll bet if she called him and asked him nicely, he'd take down the website, turn over all copies of his book (which he should be able to sell, anyway), and go on to live a perfectly satisfied life knowing he'd actually gotten to speak with his chosen President.

It'd sure go a long way towards preserving her down-home, personal presence the world (or at least the female half) has grown to know and love.

Does no one at her studio have an ounce of PR experience? It's not rocket science. Announce publicly on your show that you have no intention of ever running for President, and that you'd prefer any websites devoted to such a run are taken down. The millions of rabid fans will immediately (judging from the "Book Club") buy filter software and blot the offending sites from their collective hive-memory forever.

Problem solved.

I noticed the site's still up. Wonder how long it'll remain?

I made it through that entire post without using the name Oprah. Oops, now I've done it. Disclaimer to follow:

I hereby solemnly swear and/or affirm that my use of the name is in no way intended to induce readers to believe that the owner of the name either endorses my beliefs or even cares what I write in any way. I operate this blog without hope of ever profiting in any way from it.

This is not a commercial endeavor.

Please don't send me a Cease and Desi...