I'm seeing you pretty consistently beating Rudy "9/11" Giuiiuiliaiani. If we could just get the two of you in a cage-match, I'm pretty sure you could finish him off.
So, announce, already. I'd love to see you mopping the floor in a debate with the current cast of muppets. And by "mopping the floor," I mean winning. And by "muppets," I mean no offense to Kermit.
Seriously, how much longer are you going to wait? 'Cause the American people, collectively, are like that hot girl you're just dying to ask to the prom. If you wait too long, she's gonna end up going to the prom with somebody superficial, like the Romneybot. Or somebody who'll whisper exactly what they want to hear, like the Rudster (9/11). Or somebody older and more sophisticated, like Grandpa's favorite, McCain. It's because they're asking, already.
See, she knows you want to take her. But she's too shy to ask you, so you've got to take the first step. Here's what you do:
- Stop sending your friends to tell her you like her, do it yourself.
- Write a pretty poem or something, it'll make you seem more sensitive.
- Whatever you do, don't ask her if you can bring along your buddy Newt (she might go with you, and leave with him).
- Be nice, but not too nice.
- Be confident, but not too confident. And, finally...
- Pay for dinner.
And ask one of her friends (Me) to be your Attorney General.